What Does 'Real' Mean??

Because this year I started college and am meeting new people, I have many opportunities to ask questions trying to get to know them and vice versa. When they realize I am adopted, the next question that usually follows is, "Do you have any siblings?" Either that, or they avert their eye contact and pretend to stare interestingly at a corner of a desk (but that's discussed in my first post). Going along with the, "Do you have any siblings?" question, I say, "Yes! I have two brothers! My older brother, Jacob is 26 and living in Calgary and then my younger brother, Theo is graduating high school this year!" Then proceeds the unintentional tactless comment that all adoptees that have siblings have experienced, "But like, are they your REAL siblings or...?"

Okeydoke, let's get something straight for non-adoptees:

Our 'real' siblings are the siblings we have now in our adopted family.

They are the ones who we have grown up with, shared memories with and laughed with for pretty much our whole lives.

What non-adoptees mean to say is: "But like, are they your BIOLOGICAL siblings?" Emphasis on the word, biological. Biological means (as google states): genetically related; related by blood. When non-adoptees say, 'real' instead of biological, it hurts our feelings. By saying, "Are they your real siblings?" it sounds like non-adoptees are dismissing the siblings we have now and act like they aren't apart of us or that we love them less because they aren't blood related. As if the only people in our lives who we are related to is our 'real father', 'real mother and 'real siblings'.

When truth is: The siblings and family members that we have now are the only family members who are actually in our lives. For the vast majority of Chinese adoptees, we don't and will probably never know our biological family (without the use of DNA testing). The reason is because of the One Child Policy. China implemented the policy in 1979 to try to control the population, and it was successful, but it brought horrible situations like sex-preferred abortions, infanticide and forced sterilization. Horrendous, isn't it? That's the truth about China. So, if the family had a second child, a girl (boys were preferred over girls), a child with a disability or deformity, or they were too poor the family would 'abandon' the baby. I put quotation marks around 'abandon' because I am not a huge fan of that word and believe that most families were forced to give their child up by the culture and government laws.. not because they necessarily wanted to. The result: thousands upon thousands of 'abandoned' babies who were found on the streets, by rivers, in stores, etc. who are looking for people to care for them.

So, for the majority of adoptees, we won't know who our biological family is for a really long time. And for most of us, we are 100% happy with the family who adopted us.. Our real family - the people who clothed us, took care of us, taught us and loved us when the world seemed grim.

Thank you for reading and for joining me on my new blogging adventure!!