Chinese New Year

I know that last week was quite hard for many of my fellow adoptees.

A few of them posted celebratory photos and videos of China with simple words like "Happy Chinese New Year" and "Wishing you all the best!"

At times like Chinese New Year, questions about their birth family was a constant reminder that nagged Chinese adoptees all week.

It also pushed feelings of anger, guilt, sadness and lonliness that couldn't be ignored.

Adoptees shared their vocal feelings of sadness, anger and guilt for wanting to be with their birth family. One post on a Chinese Adoptee group page I have joined said,

"Is anyone else wondering if our birth parents will think about us tonight at their Reunion Dinner? The Spring Festival is about family, after all".

When I read this, I kind of chuckled to be honest (I'm weird, I know lol). To have questioned if your birth family would be thinking about you at the Reunion Dinner and Spring Festival, two important events that are supposed to be shared with family, was ironic. The way she worded it too made it seem like a bit of a slap to their face, "Hello birth parents, I know tonight is a family reunion, will you be thinking of me, your chlid, not being there?" Many adoptees could find her post cut-throat, brutally-honest, but realistic; not necessarily in a bad way, but in a way that we could relate to and find amusingly dark and ironic. I know I thought of it in that way to an extent. The post may have sounded harsh to you, but I liked the hidden dark humour in it that was appreciatingly amusing.

Depending on the family, some adoptees celebrate Chinese New Year. They have decorations, dress up in traditional Chinese clothing, go out for dinner, make a homemade Chinese dinner, spend it with family, or participate in Chinese games/traditions. Some don't. For some, they don't want to celebrate the other half of their heritage. For non-adoptees, do not assume that all Chinese adoptees celebrate Chinese New Year. All Chinese adoptees have a mental barrier where it's hard for them to not think about the fact that if they weren't given up for adoption, they would be celebrating new year in China with their birth family and not be dealing with being torn between two worlds. It can hurt to the point where they want to ignore that they even are Chinese or despise being Chinese.

Futhermore, one Chinese adoptee posted, "Does anyone look at pictures for lunar new year and just feel really sad about it? I remember celebrating it at the orphanage and it gave such a sense of pride for the country and those around you who cared".

I can understand why she was sad. By not celebrating in China, it felt kind of like you're not as a part of that country as you used to be, especially if you remember China. I replied with,

No matter where I am, I will always celebrate my Adoption Day and Chinese New Year out of respect for my Chinese heritage and to myself... To remind myself to not neglect the other side of me because personally, that is important.

This year, I wanted to do something different for Chinese New Year. I was going to spend it alone because my family went up to our cabin while I had to work (college life = broke), so beforehand, I checked out if there was something the community was hosting. Surprisingly there was! There was an annual event run by the Okanagan Chinese Canadian Association (OCCA). Unfortunetly, with homework, tests and other distractions, I forgot to purchase a ticket in time and they were sold out. I was disappointed, but there is always next year! I saw pictures of the event and I am happy that others got to enjoy it, including my Chinese adopted friend and her family who I shared the event with prior to. Regarding adoptees, I highly recommend searching the area where you live and join in community events!! You make new friends and learn more about your community. If there's nothing going on community-wise, but there are other or no adoptees in your area, make your own party, invite them, spend it with your family and non-adopted friends, rejoice together!

Once my family came back from the cabin, we decorated the house and had a homemade Chinese dinner. My Dad went to the Chinese oriental market and got a limited-time, home smoked BBQ pork to make into sweet and sour pork, my Mom made a flying steak (not actually flying, lol) and vegetable stirfry with a side of rice. Unfortunetly, I just got my wisdom teeth out (hence not posting last week) and had to slowly nibble the food, but it was tasteful and I was glad to have spent it with people who love me for who I am!

I hope you enjoyed my post and have a great week!

Hóunián jíxiáng, good luck for this Monkey year!