For All the Adopted Only Children...

For many of my Chinese adopted friends, they are only children. I feel like the fact that you don't have any siblings is amplified when you're adopted. Most of the parents of adoptees are older (fertility problems or they decided to adopt because WHY THE HECK NOT WE ROCK) so adoptees are constantly worried about their parents' health and the plain fact that: Hey! We get lonely because we're only children and are the only ones watching out for our older parents. For adoptees, I find we are more emotionally fragile, especially on the topic of adoption, depending on support and awareness of adoption from an early age.

Here’s what a couple of my fellow adoptees had to say about a few of my questions asking them if they worried more about their parents because they were only children, if they thought having a sibling would have changed their experience of being adopted and just overall, how they feel about being an only-child and adopted.

"'As an only child who is an adoptee, how does that make you feel?’ Now that I'm older and I've grown a bit, physically, mentally and emotionally, it doesn't bother me as much as it did when I was a kid. But growing up, it made me feel even more isolated than I already felt. I struggled a lot with loneliness and being an only child magnified that feeling. ‘Do you find yourself worrying more about your parents than adoptees who have siblings?’ OMG yessss. I used to worry tons about my parents either dying or leaving and never coming back. It made me really anxious a lot. I also had separation anxiety as a kid. Personally, even though I'm older now I still dread the day my parents die. I don't get crippling anxiety or lay awake at night anymore, like I did when I was younger, but the thought haunts me since I know there's nothing I can do to stop it from happening. ‘Do you feel like if you had siblings it would have changed your perspective/experience on adoption?’ It definitely would have. I have always wanted a sibling. Brother, sister, younger, older, doesn't matter. I feel like I would have had someone who understood exactly what it was like to be adopted from China and grow up in a really tiny southern town that was basically all white people. Someone to relate to, you know. Someone to grow up alongside with I have pretty much always hated being adopted and Asian but I feel like that's only because it was something that made me stick out from the rest. I could never fit in and it was also just me the token Asian. But if I had had a sibling, they would also stick out. At least we could stick out together. So basically if I had a sibling, I feel like I would not have the hatred and resentment I have as an adult about being adopted.”

Here is another response from my adopted friend:

“It has its ups and downs being an only child. There were times that I really wanted a brother or sister. Someone I could depend on to talk to that weren’t my parents. I always thought “What if I have a twin somewhere out there or an older/younger brother. Not that I would ever really get the chance to meet them, but what if I did. What would it be like?” Then again, the girls that I was adopted with and the girls that I’ve met over the years who were adopted as well, are my siblings. We might not live together, but we share the same story and perspective on somethings that most others wouldn’t understand. I’m not close with all the girls in my group, but one of them is here with me at university and although we don’t see each other often its nice to know I have someone there to look out for me. I couldn’t image my life any other way. I’m so thankful for this life I was given even if I was left by my birth parents. It wasn’t entirely their fault. It was extremely hard to get by during that period and the need for a boy, who would keep the family going, was much higher than the need for girls. I couldn’t image what kind of living conditions it’d be like there, I think about them from time to time. My biological parents. I look in the mirror and try to picture what they might look like. But I have to be realistic too, I’m never going to know or meet them. But I wouldn’t be here today without them. So thank you and I hope where ever you are that it all worked out.”

Thank you to my adopted friends who answered sincerely and honestly.

And thank you readers for sticking with me! I have another great post coming next week and if you enjoy reading the opinions of my fellow adoptees, you're going to love the upcoming post! Enjoy your weekend!