"Try to love me. I dare you."

Today I came across this Youtube video called, Every Kid is ONE Caring Adult Away From Being a Success Story. It is presented by public speaker and teen expert, Josh Shipp. He is a man who's youth was defined by his complex and stubborn relationships with multiple foster families. He was raped by another foster child, jumped from family to family and ultimately, harboured this mentality of, "Try to love me. I dare you". Every time he would meet a new family, he would put this thick emotional wall up trying to protect himself from getting hurt. He would push them away by behaving in poor and irrational ways forcing them to stop caring for him. Then he would be moved to a different house and the cycle would continue. It even got to the point where he attempted suicide.

Things changed once he met his last foster family. Check out his story below. Skip to 1:10 if you would like.

After watching:

I really connected with what he said: the fact that by having one good relationship with an adult can really change a child. I think that is extra crucial for emotionally fragile children such as adoptees as well. I'm not saying we're all emotionally fragile, but when discussing with other Chinese adoptees, quite a few of them, including myself, have problems with depression, anxiety, loneliness, and irrational fears of being abandoned etc. It seems realistic, especially with 1 in 5 people suffering from a mental illness in a little or large amount. Having a mental illness is okay and it doesn't make us weak, it's just something that adoptees, and everyone, deals with in the best way they can.

Moreover, connecting emotional fears and barriers, like Josh Shipp experienced, to his amazing relationship with his family shows us just how powerful a positive relationship can be. For myself, I have a positive relationship with my family. Of course there are ups and downs and yes, sometimes I want to rip my hair out because my parents are on my butt about things or they lecture me for reasons I find redundant or I annoy them, but we love each other nevertheless.

One of the things I love most is our relationship with my adoption. It is superb and has been superb since I was brought to Canada from China. I was fortunate enough to live in an area where there were (coincidentally) many female Chinese adoptees who were my age. I grew up with many of these girls and we even made a club called Bubba Panda which was run by one of the girls's father and his Chinese friend who was a teacher. As a group we would go downtown and visit the Chinese museums, travel to Chinatown, learn Chinese, play Chinese games and learn Chinese songs. I learned to make dumplings by scratch and count to 10 in mandarin. I made so many strong, lifelong friendships with many of the girls and still keep in contact with them today. One of the girls in the group, my 'sister' Mieke and her Mom are coming to visit us soon actually!

My parents and I celebrate every Adoption Day (the day my Mom first got to meet me in China) and Chinese New Year. And on those days, they raise a toast, to my birth Mom and Dad for bringing me into this world. They are open to talking about my birth family and the possibility of visiting China. My Mom and I talk about what personality traits I could have gotten from my birth parents. Sometimes we even make up where they could live or what jobs they could have. I really am truly grateful for the wonderful relationship I have with them and my heritage. I know many other adoptees who's parents are very closed and judgmental about their child's birth parents and I detest that. But that's for another post ;)

Overall, having a good relationship with your parents to due with adoption is vital to an adoptee's future relationships and mentality. The relationship, whether good or bad, can make you love your parents or it can make you resent them and loathe them. Sounds harsh, but I've seen both sides.

Because of my positive relationship with my parents in most aspects including adoption, I really feel like I can live my own success story just like Josh Shipp.

Thank you for continuing to read my blog! I am almost at 700 views!! CRAZY. Thank you thank you thank you!