The Chinese Man Who Wished He Was Adopted

Starting a new job always means an overload of new things to learn, understanding your coworkers and as an interracial adoptee, repetitive conversation struggles.

I work at Mission Hill Winery as a Winery Concierge. My job is to answer the phones and emails regarding tours, reservations, any sort of question regarding the winery, and aid on concert nights. Half of my job is in an office and half of it is out on the winery grounds interacting with our guests. I just started full time, but have been working once a week since March.

A week ago I was working by myself in the office. The tour guide of a Chinese tour company from Vancouver phoned me telling me that they were at the winery for their tour, but they did not know where to go. I tried explaining over the phone where he should go, but he was having trouble understanding. I told him that I would meet him outside in the winery courtyard and show him in person. I left the office and was able to find him among his Chinese tour group. He was very kind and thankful when I showed him where to go. I then continued to show him a quick run-through of where our tour guide would take his group on their tour. As I was walking him through our tour, he asked me,

"Are you Canadian?"

"Yes I am!"

"Oh! .... Why are you....?"

"Chinese?"

"Yes, haha."

"I am Canadian, but I was born in China."

"When did you come to Canada?" "I came here when I was a baby."

"Ahh, I see. Are you .... *lowers voice* adopted?"

"Yes I am adopted!"

"I thought so! You said that you were Canadian, but came to Canada as a baby, so I thought you might be." "Yes. I am surprised you guessed that. Many people from China usually do not guess that. I don't think it's talked about too much." "I am a tour guide from Beijing. Some parents from America and Canada would come on my tour and they would talk about the baby they are going to adopt."

"Oh, I see! That is so great that you know about that!" "You know, you are so lucky." "Yes, I know!"

"No really. So lucky. I wish I was adopted from China and come to Canada!" ".... You.... wish you were adopted from China?"

"Yes!"

".... Oh"

I then averted his attention back to his tour group and he thanked me again for helping him.

After that conversation, I had this indescribable and uncomfortable feeling. I wished I could have said to him,

"I'm not so sure you do. You may not know, but pretty much all adoptees have identity issues that they struggle with on a daily basis, alongside with anxiety, depression and self-doubt. We always struggle with the thought that we weren't good enough for our families, mostly because of our gender-something we can't control. I'm not sure you could imagine what it's like knowing that your birth family is out there and you have no idea whether they are alive or dead. You aren't even sure if they'd ever want to see you again. Yes Canada is a beautiful country and yes I am so happy I am here, but I do not wish for anyone to be voluntarily put in my position and it sounds so strange for you to wish that upon yourself because you do not know of the struggles we face."

That moment has passed. I am forced to let go. Personally, I have rarely had someone say that to me before, therefore I didn't have a good comeback. I think I was just so shocked because the words that came out of his mouth were so strange and perplexing to me that I just stood there. His grin as he replied "Yes!" at the end still makes me wonder. Now I am ready and have something to say from the adoption community. I understand that he meant no harm by that comment, also what I wanted to say will be said more tactfully, but overall, the message will be the same. I have knowledge and experience that no one can take away from me and I feel that it is my duty to share my knowledge with others so they can learn. He envies Canada's clean air, democracy and kind folk. He saw me as a lucky girl. A girl who escaped China and was given a second chance. And for him, a middle aged Chinese man who had always lived in China, he wished he were me. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side.