Adoption Awareness Month Q&A

Happy Adoption Awareness Month! November is when many adoptees (a term for people who are adopted) share their experiences and raise awareness. I thought I'd do an Instagram Q&A to shed light on adoption and allow friends to ask me questions. l will refer to my Mom as 'Mom' and my biological parents as 'birth family/birth parents.' Also, I changed the wording of some questions for clarity.

For many years, hundreds of thousands of Chinese babies were abandoned due to the One Child Policy. It was a policy implemented in 1979 to control the foreshadowed overpopulation crisis. Most babies were female because of the traditional Chinese opinion that males were better than females. It was more beneficial to have a male because they would carry on the family name. Also, the wife would move into her husband's family's home and take care of his parents while her parents had no one. Senior care was limited and expensive. This policy led to infanticide, government-forced abortions and sterilization, and unethical behaviour. The Chinese government claimed that the policy prevented 400 million births, but some analysts disagree with the number. The One Child Policy changed a few years ago. Now, Chinese families are encouraged to have children as there is a massive gender ratio imbalance.

Ultimately, I am a byproduct of that human experiment.

And on that cheery note, let's jump in!

1. When did you know you were adopted?

There was never a dramatic moment like in the movies where the parents sit down the confused-looking child and slowly said, "You are adopted.." *cue melancholy music*. From a young age, my parents made sure I knew where I came from and put me in camps and friend groups with other Chinese adoptees. They always talked openly about my birth parents, especially on my Adoption Day (the day I first met my mom). Refer to My Story blog page. We lived in Toronto for many years and it was easy for me to learn more about Chinese culture because of the large Chinese population. Coincidentally, we lived in a neighbourhood with many other Chinese adoptees and older parents (similar to my family) so it made a great community.

2. When were you adopted?

I don't know my real birthday LOL. I was adopted at 3-5 months old. I say that because my Chinese birth certificate states I was five months old when I was found in front of my orphanage. However, when I arrived in Canada, the doctor thought I was three months old. My birthday is an estimate. I had no information on me when I was left, likely for the safety of my birth parents. This is common for Chinese adoptees as birth parents could be hunted down and assaulted, put in jail, or forced to pay a large sum for abandoning a child. Some adoptees had a note that included their Chinese name or birth date, but that's the minority.

3. Was there an incident that made you more open to discussing your (adoption) story?

It was 14 years ago and I still remember the incident. I was in grade five (11 years old) and was drinking from the water fountain in my school. My family had just moved across the country to a small town that was prominently white. My elementary school had less than ten kids from minority groups, myself included. Two grade four girls started talking to me because they knew my younger brother. They asked why I looked different from him and I told them I was adopted. I said it simply as I lazily wiped the water off my chin. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry." They replied in horror. I remember the sorrow in their eyes and how they felt sorry for me. I remember saying it wasn't a big deal, but they continued apologizing. Many adoptees dislike this particular response. We aren't sorry we're adopted and we aren't looking for pity. We ask you to treat us like everyone else. The best response is to say, "Cool." and then continue the conversation. Since then, I've learned how to handle different reactions. But, how can non-adoptees learn how to respond if they don't practice? I've realized how little people learn about adoption and that it's important to work towards normalizing it.

4. Do you want to go back to China?

Yes! But, China isn't allowing many visitors in because of their zero-COVID policy. I'll have to wait until they become more flexible.

5. Does the Chinese government require a DNA sample from the birth mother and child before adoption?

No, because DNA testing would allow the government to penalize the birth family for abandoning the baby. If I were to use DNA to find my birth family, I'd have to take a DNA test, upload it onto a Chinese DNA website and hope that my birth family did the same. There is no requirement for the birth family to take a DNA test. However, in Guatemala, they must. My friend is a Guatemalan adoptee and they said that the DNA test is required to prove that the mother is giving up the baby not another family member, friend, or stranger.

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Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you have any questions, feel free to email me at chinascontroversy@hotmail.com or message me on any of my social media accounts.